I had serendipitously made it to Bond Street in London by an early morning walk. Bond Street is the epitome of luxury shopping, equivalent to Champs-Élysées in Paris, 5th Avenue in New York, or Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles. However, Bond Street is not where I go to shop. It is a quaint, narrow street housing the likes of Harry Winston and Graff Jewelers, where what I consider luxury—Nordstroms or Neiman Marcus—pales in comparison. It houses antique jewelry stores with real-life crowns and gold tiaras adorned with large emeralds, sapphires, and rubies, surrounded by diamonds for onlookers to admire. The worth of each is a multiple of my estate’s valuation. It also houses seamstresses who attend to the Royals, their hands as adept and coordinated as perhaps those of a seasoned dentist.
I found myself wandering through a Chanel store, witnessing a mother helping her teenage daughter nonchalantly pick out a bag I have yet to afford, one which I might never afford. They were surrounded by multiple bags proving purchases from the shops on Bond Street. It looked like just another Thursday to them. I was nothing like them, I thought. For me, this was the trip of a lifetime, one I’d waited to take for at least a decade. The more I looked around, the more I decided I didn’t belong. But as I walked the street, with little savings in my pocket, having planned for a splurge after a year of saving while on vacation—a bucket list item—I was bombarded with many considerations.
First of which was: Will the little savings I had in my pocket, from the dinners, shows, clothes, and other unnecessaries I’d given up, really matter if I spend that money? Matter to me, that is, as in physiologically lead to a dopamine surge? And will that undoubted burst of the happy chemical be as short-lived as the ones before? Would a higher amount of money saved, a longer period of time spent saving it, or a splurge on behalf of a significant event, such as an anniversary or milestone birthday, lead to a longer distribution of dopamine? Would anything purchased on Bond Street lead to happiness?
THE PRICE WE PAY
You see, as much as I felt that I didn’t belong on Bond Street, as I looked into the windows of world-class couture designers, I saw my own reflection. I bore a diamond wedding anniversary band, a Van Cleef necklace, a Rolex watch (a 45th birthday gift), a Cartier Love Bracelet (an important 10-year anniversary), Tiffany earrings, my Golden Goose high-tops, and a Gucci Belt Bag. All of which were purchased pre-loved, except for the diamond tennis bracelet that I had awarded myself as a ‘push’ gift from my husband, which has been upgraded more times than my husband is aware of. As much as I felt like I didn’t belong among the many shoppers there, if I were to walk into a YSL, Gucci, or Ferragamo store, that reflection in the mirror told me otherwise. The associates of the glamorous boutiques, there to tend to the rich and famous, might think the exact opposite, too. I wore what Bond Street was selling.
Now, perhaps unlike the men and women who walked into Harry Winston accompanied by chauffeurs and bodyguards (I saw those, too), much of what I had on me took decades of hard work and savings. I didn’t buy them all in a single shopping spree. But what also became apparent to me is that no matter the cost, no matter the occasion, each one of those luxury goods in the life I was living and leading were essentially unnoticeable to me. Yes, I could tell you what they were and how I’d gotten them, but I seldom remembered they were on me. I took them for granted. They were, however, noticeable to others. As I walked into the stores I claimed not to be able to afford, as associates examined what I was wearing, I was just as noticeable as the mother doting on her shopping daughter. What I was wearing made me noticeable; it got me attention, indistinguishable for the hopes of the associates earning a wage.
The unavoidable question that came next was: Did I really purchase those items in celebration of birthdays and anniversaries? Did I save for these items because they made me feel special? Or was the reality that the purchase and ownership of those items made me appear more special to others? That last question hit hard. It hit so hard, in fact—spoiler alert—that I walked away from Bond Street without having spent a penny of my little saved fortune. I gave up on one of the experiences I believed I had looked forward to quite a bit. Why did I do that? What was I trying to prove? Who was I proving it to? It was a decision that kept me awake for days to come.
It was a decision that I’d return to reconsider daily while still within walking distance of Bond Street. It was a decision that I analyzed and overthought. But, in my post-op, now a week out and still within a chance of walking past Bond Street before my return to the States, it’s been one of my favorite experiences. It did hit the bucket list, after all. It’s been one of the things that has freed me, at least momentarily, from the confines of materialistic addiction, from my need to be seen by others, and from the way I dignify and define success. It’s freed me, maybe momentarily, hopefully not, from gaining self-worth based on the things that adorn me.
It’s freed me to believe, within my soul, that I am no more or no less without them. It’s freed me from comparing myself to others. Yes, the others who feel like they are more because they have more. It’s freed me to walk bravely toward finding who I am and why I believe what I believe to be true, essential to my own self-worth.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR
As individuals, we are layered with our past, our experiences, our desires, futures, hopes, dreams, and realities. We are truly multidimensional beings. Not one better than another; not really, though I fight that belief hard within a political Facebook dispute. We’re just different. Though many people might claim otherwise, might want to believe otherwise, we are all, to a certain degree, dependent on the acceptance and opinion of our culture and our tribe. It is human to want to belong, to be relevant, to be loved. And in turn, we use the information of how we believe others perceive us to define ourselves. We might often be inaccurate in those interpretations, but nonetheless, it’s an essential piece of how we view ourselves in the mirror, factual or not. And thus, in an effort to be liked, in an effort to be thought of as relevant, important, or successful, we succumb to things like shopping on Bond Street (I don’t mean literally here, but rather metaphorically).
We think that if we could shop on Bond Street, we would feel more special and therefore would BE more special. Some people go as far as living beyond their means to make this a reality. As a society, we are all so focused on how we present to the world on the outside. We compare… no… we judge, ourselves as a whole, our quality as humans, based on where we land financially and materialistically next to others. And when we do that, when we focus on the looks of how we present to others, what is it that we are giving up on the inside? When we spend to adorn the outside and don’t worry much about healing the inside, can we realistically ever attain the happiness that we have been led to believe money can buy?
A NOTE FROM A FRIEND
As I was contemplating this all over again during my morning walks, a dear friend, Dr. Laura Schwindt, a Certified Heroic Performance Coach, left me the following message quite serendipitously:
“What is more important? My outer path or my inner path? My outer path feels heavy, and it feels like I’m in a chase I’ll never win. Looking at other people’s success and definition of success. The inner path feels light. It frees me. It takes me on a journey to my soul’s purpose. It lets me express The Source as she wants me to express. The outer path is the ego. Stay true to the inner path; that is the way.”
And this is where it all came together, Laura. You tied it beautifully and put a bow around it. The inner path is defined by our purpose, our passion, and our soul. But it’s only discoverable through a painstaking, often guided process. You can do it with a therapist, a life coach, or even a trusted friend (make sure, if appropriate, you gain the help of a mental health specialist). Sometimes it is the agony of understanding past decisions, maybe trauma, building resilience, it is learning, it is being vulnerable in admitting to being lost and confused… it is those things that lead to the beauty that is within self-actualization. The inner path is just as likely filled with dopamine rushes but on account of discovery, nature, and human connection.
Ego, on the other hand, drives the outer path. It stomps and begs to be noticed. It shouts louder than the source of the inner path. It creates diversions with the promise of materialistic allure. The ego plays on the insecurities you see in the mirror and continues to fool your brain into believing that what you own and how you show it off does, in fact, make you likable, lovable, respectable, and desirable to be around. It fools you into believing that money does, in fact, buy happiness and that there is a mathematical correlation between the two. When we walk that outer path, the ego does deliver. The delivery system is expensive, fleeting, and destructively addicting.
When the delivery system stalls, the burden of the ego makes life feel dreadful and heavy, purposeless and pointless, and like Laura said, ‘heavy,’ until the next hit. Until the next burst. And so, we are willing to chase those hits, no matter how short, no matter how spread apart, no matter the cost. We chase them for the satiety of the ego.
A WALK TO REMEMBER
I have been pondering how to create a message out of this experience, how to bring this discourse to completion, when, again, serendipitously, I saw a post made by Anissa Holmes, founder of Delivering Wow Education, Digital Floss Agency, Dentalflix:
“Your ego is not your amigo. It’s the voice that holds you back, whispers doubts, and keeps you shackled to the opinions of others. But here’s the transformative truth: you are born for greatness. Deep within, you know this. You feel it.
It’s time to rise and live your assignment. When you embrace your true purpose, the noise of others’ opinions fades into the background. You become unstoppable, driven by a mission that’s bigger than any fear or doubt.
Imagine standing tall, fully aligned with your purpose, and taking bold action. This is your moment.”
I got chills when I read it. This was the perfect conclusion—a prayer, a mantra to repeat and hold true each morning and night. Your purpose lies outside of your ego. They are disconnected, opposites. One is demanding and loud; the other is kind, freeing, and light. Stepping into your purpose is akin to coming home. It feels familiar and safe, as if it were always meant to be. Finding it means gaining strength against the ego’s promises. It is trading the strong bursts of expensive and unlasting dopamine, like splurging on Bond Street, for the peace that splurging on discovery and alignment delivers. Ego, quite bluntly, showcases your worth in relation to what others have; it elevates you based on what others don’t have.
When you trust your assignment, available to you only through the process of discovery, thought, and life, the threat of what others may or may not think of you is no longer something that holds you back; it’s no longer something that drives you, either.
My Bond Street experience was the embrace of my assignment at the disappointment of the ego. It was an important exercise in understanding the decisions I’d been making all along—expensive decisions. Will it mean that the next time you see me, I won’t be adorned with the materialistic goods I’d taken a decade to gather? Will it mean that I will toss my Golden Goose sneakers or take off my Tiffany earrings? Probably not… But hold me to not buying a Chanel bag (my bucket list item) in remembrance of this lesson. Hold me to prioritizing the understanding I’ve gained—that worth is unrelated to what I own, what I wear, or how I present. And let that understanding span into your own set of beliefs.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Maggie Augustyn is a practicing general dentist, the owner of Happy Tooth, a faculty member at Productive Dentist Academy, an author, and an inspirational speaker. She obtained her Doctorate of Dental Surgery from the University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC). Augustyn is passionate about reading, researching, writing, and speaking on topics that encompass the human experience, including our struggles, pain, and moments of vitality.
Her personal mission is to inspire individuals to embark on a journey toward a more authentic self-actualization. She has a notable presence in the media and is a frequent contributor to Dental Entrepreneur Woman. Dr. Augustyn takes great pride in her role as a contributing author to Dentistry Today, where she publishes a column titled “Mindful Moments.”
She has also been featured on various podcasts and is a sought-after national speaker, emphasizing the significance of authenticity and self-discovery.
FEATURED IMAGE CREDIT: EB Adventure Photography/Shutterstock.com.
